Tennyson wrote: "Tis better to have loved and lost / Than never to have loved at all." I am sure that we have perhaps paraphrased this at least maybe once in our lifetime if not more. What does this really mean? I am certain that I have used this phrase as if it was common knowledge like the phrase "If you really love someone set them free, if it's meant to be they will come back" Its almost as if these phrases/quotes have been instilled in us and they contain some mysterious code that we should know how to unlock, as if speaking it we are suddenly going to feel some sense of relief or calm or deep understanding as to why we this has happened in our lives....nice theory but so inadequate. I am not disputing the quotes nor dislike them but I honestly think that it goes so much deeper than trying to explain away hurt,loss,sorrow,grief or internal emotion with such a common phrase as if it were to be acceptable to say just that.
I have loved with passion,determination and courage and yes there are people/animals in my life that are no longer there, either by circumstances of relationship or sadly by death. I however do not look at this as a loss. If I have loved then it was always my heart that led to it first,my head fighting with the logical/ practical factor and ultimately my choice to allow that love in, nurture it and abandon all my vulnerabilities in order to allow it to grow.
When expecting each one of my children and long before I even laid eyes upon my babies I can tell you that love was there long before they even were born to me. I honestly can tell you that I loved my children fully and completely long before they were even a thought or an idea a possibility and a person! So I question if that is simply human nature or do we really have a choice in the matters of the heart? I believe that love/loving/receiving love is a gift that we are all given and ultimately is our choice to accept. In addition to our hearts we have been given a brain.....we have the ability to think,prioritize, analyze ,scrutinize and examine all of which in reality our hearts automatically know what to do. I feel that quite often as a result we do not listen, we miss opportunity and mostly we miss out on love.
I have had loss in my life, I have had much love in my life, I have opened myself freely to it and have also lived with the scars of hurt,betrayal,rejection,grief and pain. Should I regret my decisions? Should I question my heart? Should I disregard that sadness I have felt and perhaps the heartache, sadness and pain I may feel in the future to preach to my heart to never allow love in again? I will never allow that to happen to me, through all of that and what I have been through has made me who I have become.........love,happiness,joy,sorrow,regret,guilt,hope,remorse,jubilation......words, just words and still they are indescribable to what the heart really can and does feel. A dictionary full of adjectives and words to describe what we think,how we should feel,but it is always there deep inside if you listen.
So the question? "Tis Better To Have Loved And Lost..." no it is better to have loved, to keep loving, to allow to be loved and to give your heart permission to bestow and be bestowed upon one of the greatest gifts that we have been given......love. For I feel when that is no longer a priority and we close our intellectual minds to the possibility of what comes from the heart, then humanity is lost. For I feel that it is better to have loved and be loved and give love all that you can for as long as you are able...................love is never lost it and can be found if only you keep your hearts open.
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Grandma-I see them bloom
Grandpa-I see the lights
Nana-in every smile
Alain-always a butterfly
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Delilah, my little girl.....I miss you so much and my heart has been aching for you. I know that you could no longer be with us and that will always make me sad but I am so grateful that you freely loved me as I have loved you. I haven't closed my heart because of your untimely passing but opened it up to the possibility of offering love to another. You gave me so much and taught me more and I will always be thankful that we had each other to love. RIP Angel
