Two scoops please!!

Two Scoops please!

I don’t think there has ever been a time in my life where I walked in an ice-cream store and ordered just one scoop. There are many flavors to choose from which makes it almost impossible for me to decide. I love Cliffs ice-cream in Ledgewood. It has been there for as long as I can remember and always has the best ice cream and flavors. When I was pregnant with my second daughter I frequented them often as I just couldn’t get enough at the time, it was one of the better pregnancy cravings I had! Ordering ice-cream can sometimes be a painful experience for those with me cause it takes me forever….I guess if I liked chocolate and vanilla then it would be easy, but I am deeper than that, I’m just not a vanilla type of gal......and definitely no frogs!

Pairs seem to be the thing. You wouldn’t go buy one sock you would buy a pair, you wouldn’t get one lens in eye glasses you would get a pair…….pair of gloves pair of jeans, pair of shoes, partridge in a pear tree, (oops wrong pair!)  Noah had the right idea…”get a pair of everything on this ark!” More pairs….shampoo and conditioner, peanut butter and jelly, better yet…….peanut butter and chocolate. Then there is of course bread and butter, salt and pepper, wine and wine…….another blunder, I meant wine and cheese! Remember the doublemint gum commercials? “Double your pleasure double your fun” Its all about doubles!!

Considering the pairing, double thingy it wasn’t odd for me when going to bring home my new puppy that my gut feeling that day was “I need to bring home a pair!” I actually sprung this gut feeling on my poor unsuspecting husband an hour before we were leaving the house. My ever so patient husband listened as I carefully and delicately broached the subject and agreed if we could work something out with the breeder that we could consider another puppy. I had picked the name Fergus for my little boy puppy that I had already selected a few weeks prior and it took no time at all with this “gut” feeling I had that his sibling, knowing that she had a couple of female puppies available her name would be Fiona. It felt comfortable, it felt natural, it felt right and I just knew that it had happen.

I always listen to that inner voice inside of me that tells me something is right or something is terribly wrong. Most times I am glad that I listen to that intuition or gut feeling and because I do things seem to work out the way that they are suppose to be.

Thus, I have a pair of puppies! Fergus and Fiona joined our home on February 18^th. I am so happy that I did what my heart led me to do.  They keep each other happy, secure and content. They have slept through the night since their homecoming and they are training easily and happily.

Having two puppies is a lot of work. I would have never even entertained the thought if I had a 9 to 5 job, but I am fortunate to devote most of my day with the raising,loving and training my precious babies. It is most definitely like having twins, (minus the diaper changes) but everything is in double. Double leash walking,double feeding,double trouble,double fun,double entertaining,double kisses, but mostly double the love!

Like anything new it is an adjustment. When they wake at 6:30 in the morning with the whining and crying I keep saying to myself "you wanted this", well you must know that I am NOT a morning person. After the initial walking and feeding,massive puppy kisses and wagging tails I soon find myself  not regretting a moment of bringing these two loves to their forever home.

With each day as they grow so does my heart. I look forward to a full and active life with these sweet hearts.......  two scoops of love sprinkled with a huge dose of cuteness, yes that is my kind of double scoop!

As my husband said to me before we got married, "we are better together than we are apart" and those couldn't be any truer words said.  For so many reasons I am a very lucky girl.

"Tis Better To Have Loved And Lost..."

Tennyson wrote: "Tis better to have loved and lost / Than never to have loved at all." I am sure that we have perhaps paraphrased this at least maybe once in our lifetime if not more. What does this really mean? I am certain that I have used this phrase as if it was common knowledge like the phrase "If you really love someone set them free, if it's meant to be they will come back" Its almost as if these phrases/quotes have been instilled in us and they contain some mysterious code that we should know how to unlock, as if speaking it we are suddenly going to feel some sense of relief or calm or deep understanding as to why we this has happened in our lives....nice theory but so inadequate. I am not disputing the quotes nor dislike them but I honestly think that it goes so much deeper than trying to explain away hurt,loss,sorrow,grief or internal emotion with such a common phrase as if it were to be acceptable to say just that.

I have loved with passion,determination and courage and yes there are people/animals in my life that are no longer there, either by circumstances of relationship or sadly by death. I however do not look at this as a loss. If I have loved then it was always my heart that led to it first,my head fighting with the logical/ practical factor and ultimately my choice to allow that love in, nurture it and abandon all my vulnerabilities in order to allow it to grow.  

When expecting each one of my children and long before I even laid eyes upon my babies I can tell you that love was there long before they even were born to me. I honestly can tell you that I loved my children fully and completely long before they were even a thought or an idea a possibility and a person! So I question if that is simply human nature or do we really have a choice in the matters of the heart? I believe that love/loving/receiving love is a gift that we are all given and ultimately is our choice to accept. In addition to our hearts we have been given a brain.....we have the ability to think,prioritize, analyze ,scrutinize and examine all of which in reality  our hearts automatically know what to do. I feel that quite often as a result we do not listen, we miss opportunity and mostly we miss out on love.

I have had loss in my life, I have had much love in my life, I have opened myself freely to it and have also lived with the scars of hurt,betrayal,rejection,grief and pain. Should I regret my decisions? Should I question my heart? Should I disregard that sadness I have felt and perhaps the heartache, sadness and pain I may feel in the future to preach to my heart to never allow love in again? I will never allow that to happen to me, through all of that and what I have been through has made me who I have become.........love,happiness,joy,sorrow,regret,guilt,hope,remorse,jubilation......words, just words and still they are indescribable to what the heart really can and does feel. A dictionary full of adjectives and words to describe what we think,how we should feel,but it is always there deep inside if you listen.

So the question? "Tis Better To Have Loved And Lost..." no it is better to have loved, to keep loving, to allow to be loved and to give your heart permission to bestow and be bestowed upon one of the greatest gifts that we have been given......love. For I feel when that is no longer a priority and we close our intellectual minds to the possibility of what comes from the heart, then humanity is lost. For I feel that it is better to have loved and be loved and give love all that you can for as long as you are able...................love is never lost it and can be found if only you keep your hearts open. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Grandma-I see them bloom

Grandpa-I see the lights

Nana-in every smile

Alain-always a butterfly

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Delilah, my little girl.....I miss you so much and my heart has been aching for you. I know that you could no longer be with us and that will always make me sad but I am so grateful that you freely loved me as I have loved you. I haven't closed my heart because of your untimely passing but opened it up to the possibility of offering love to another. You gave me so much and taught me more and I will always be thankful that we had each other to love. RIP Angel